It was Mother's Day 1991 when I blessed to celebrate my "first" Mother's Day. I was young, inexperienced and looked to many women for advice on "how to be a good mom." I was given a lot and I mean a lot of advice on the subject, but it wasn't until the summer of 2007, when I realized what I had missed and sometimes still miss along the way.
It was the summer 2007, I was in Nursing School when I realized my children had somehow, or should I say magically "grownup" and were soon going to be heading into unknown territory called "adulthood." The moment I realized this, guilt was the first emotion felt. I felt inadequate that I probably hadn't schooled them enough in the "things that matter most" or how much they not only meant to Gordon and I, but most importantly I didn't share with them enough their individual importance to their Heavenly Father.
As I look back on that moment I remember the tears that were shed and in the same moment the smile that came to my lips as I watched my girls play against each other in a softball game. I remember the hugs, kisses, and most of all dirty faces knowing that these little ones were mine forever.
It's been 20 years since my "first" Mother's Day and four years since that moment of realization that kids do grow up. Yesterday, I experienced a tiny taste of heaven as we gathered together in the living room, to talk with Elder Hopkins (aka: Brendon). The guilt has lessened. Instead of that nagging feeling of "I'm not good enough. I didn't teach them enough. Do they really know I love them?" I felt the peace, joy and success that can only be felt through a loving Heavenly Father. As I listened to all the conversations with Brendon I was able to see that as a mom I did okay. I may not have always done the right things at the right moment, but overall I did my BEST.
I am grateful to know that it is in the "small and simple" moments of laughter, tears and smiles the joy and love that is most important in our lives.
FYI: The Tiny Taste of Heaven came when we all kneeled down and prayed as a family. Brendon said the prayer J
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3 comments:
I talked to my son yesterday too, and I knownwhat you mean about lesser guilt. To hear them all grown up and strong in their beliefs and convictions. Man...
I thought about you all day and wondered if you were LOVING your missionary phone call.
Nothing sweeter in the world.
Yes, you are good enough.
Yes, you did a wonderful job.
It is so awesome that you were able to have family prayer.
I love this post. I am always filled with guilt thinking I'm not doing enough, patient enough or teaching them enough. And usually that comes when I start comparing myself to someone else.
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