My World of Wonder/Day 11

Gordon and I had the wonderful opportunity to attend the temple with one of Brendon's friends who will be serving his mission in California, Sacramento Mission.

While on our way to the temple, we were listening to the radio and Pink Floyd's song Comfortably Numb came on.

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?
Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

O.K.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

Many years ago, this song was something I lived, to live. All I wanted to do was be numb to the pain, insecurities, and heartache that had been building up for many years. I wanted the to pain and anger to go away. The only way I thought it was possible to be happy was if I was numb to life.

With many different interventions turning into failed attempts of wanting and having a happy life, the Lord found a way to introduce me to Gordon. After meeting Gordon my life changed. It was if overnight I was happy. By starting a new life, I avoided everything, everyone and this particular song or anything that had to do with Pink Floyd because it reminded me of those pains, insecurities and heartaches of long ago. As the years have come and gone, I see how I have somehow numbed myself to life with avoidance, maybe some procrastination, and by simply "not" caring. I see now how that has hurt me in the long run.

You're probably wondering why I didn't turn off the radio. Don't ask me why? I don't think I even understand it myself, but as I listened to the song I could see in the distance the Oquirrh Mountain Temple. As I continued to listen to the song, and seeing the temple in the distance, I truly understood what Elder Stevenson meant when he stated

"You are never lost when you can see the temple."

That has been the key the whole time. I haven't been lost, I've been going to the temple very regularly, I just haven't used the tools I have been given to their fullest potential. I also realized that I no longer need to allow those feelings to rule my life. I have been forgiven and as I attend the temple Elder Bednar promises that

"The temple is a refuge from the storm."

So when those feelings of pain and heartache surface, I have somewhere to turn that will bring me joy and happiness. As we were getting closer to the temple, I started feeling peace, love and another witness I have been forgiven which only comes from the Lord. I am grateful that the Lord has been loving enough to remind me that he does LOVE me and that I can forgive myself and forget the past because I have something of

greater worth that doesn't include being Comfortably Numb.